The Circle of LIfe

In 3 days we will mark two years since Austin died.  And last week we welcomed a new life into our family.  My sister and her husband are the proud parents of a sweet baby boy, who joins his sister to make their family complete.  And the shadow of grief is lifted a little by the light of new life, new joy and new possibilities.

When my new nephew was born last Tuesday, it naturally made me think about the days when my two babies were born.  I remember how Austin and I were amazed that we had made these beautiful human beings together.  I remember thinking how perfect life was and how we were so lucky to have the rest of our lives ahead of us.  I remember being so full of hope and love.  I never thought that the rest of our lives together would be so much shorter than we ever imagined.

But I also didn't even think about the fact that while our babies were coming into the world, others were leaving it.  When we felt so much joy in our lives, we didn't  have room to think about grief that others were feeling.  And when we are the ones with overwhelming grief, we don't have room for any possibility of joy.  But the circle of life continues to turn and moves us forward, toward an unknown future.  All we can count on is today, this minute. 

Austin's death showed me that, but I was too overwhelmed and solely focused on survival.  I couldn't live the lesson then.  With the birth of my nephew, almost two years later, I was ready to take the lesson to heart.  For the first time in two years I felt joy:  joy for my sister and brother-in-law, joy for my family, joy for the boys and I.  My nephew's new life has reminded me that life indeed goes on.  Joy returns and can exist at the same time as we grieve loss.  The circle of life...birth and death.  Once we've survived the death of a great love, birth seems even sweeter.  

Welcome to the world sweet little Thomas.  I so look forward to meeting you!  I know you have an uncle in heaven who is smiling down on you....